Thursday, June 30, 2016

COPS

I can see, objectively, that I might not be the best driver in the entire world. I might've scared one or two people with my driving in the past. BUT, I've never been in a collision... with another car. I backed into a utilities box once. Anyway--despite a couple tickets that weren't really my fault, I have an aversion to traffic police. Whenever I see them, my heart begins to flutter and I forget how cars work. This physiological response has garnered both sympathy and ridicule.

As for sympathy, I was pulled over a few years ago because I was speeding and drifting. Apparently, you're only supposed to pull over to the right side of the highway. I pulled over to the left.

"Don't you know what to do when a cop turns on sirens?" the cop said condescendingly.

"Pull over," I said, and did.

"To the right of the road. Didn't you listen in driver's ed.?" Rude. "You were swerving around blahblahblah."

"I'M LOST! I CAN'T READ MAPS! WHY AM I ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD? I'M UPSET NOW!"

And he gave me directions and let me go. Yay! I have magic tears.

One day after this encounter, I was driving down a little road by the beach, and a cop pulled out behind me, so I immediately pulled over TO THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE ROAD, turned off my music, checked my seatbelt, and tried to muster a look of remorse. The cop slowed down and pulled his car up to mine, rolled down the window, and motioned for me to do the same.

"Did you think I was pulling you over?" he asked.

"You're not?"

"No! HAHA! GUILTY CONSCIENCE, EH?!" And he drove away.

In conclusion, I hate the government.